Welcome to Conscious Diaries!  I'm glad you're here.  This blog is a 365-day project, starting tomorrow, January 1, 2017, to chronicle my attempts at increasing my consciousness.  I thought it best to share an inaugural post to introduce myself and lay the foundation for what you could expect to see on these pages throughout 2017.

These past few days, I’ve found myself thinking about 2016 and my plans for the year ahead.  Sharing some of these thoughts with you today seemed pretty timely with it being the last day of the year and all.  More importantly, my thoughts paint the landscape upon which Conscious Diaries lies.

Before I touch on 2016 though, I must give you some background.  You see, I spent the better part of the prior five years being pretty unfulfilled.  (It’s worth pausing here for just a moment to mention a few things: one, my self-development interests initiated back in about 1996 and grew over the years; two, I gave birth to my beautiful daughter in 2009; and three, while my personal life during those five years had it’s challenges, it didn’t contribute to my feeling of being unfulfilled.)  The biggest culprit was my job.  What made it worse was that I had a pretty good job — one that many wish for everyday!  One minute, I’d want to shout through the largest megaphone from the highest rooftop, “Please!  Does anyone hear me?  I’m dying a slow death and I need to get out of here!”  The next, I’d gently whisper to myself, “Why would you give this up?  You’ve got a good job?  Your family depends on you.”

Consciousness facilitated change, and didn't let me just ponder the idea of it.

And so it went.  I rode that pendulum as it swung back and forth, day after day, week after week, year after year.  Evaluation of our budget became a daily ritual, as I contemplated each and every possibility to quit my job and be a stay-at-home mom.  Every assessment resulted in the same outcome — quitting would require significant sacrifice.  While my husband remained supportive and encouraged me to quit, I couldn’t bring myself to do it.  Many a night was spent filling the trash can with tear-soaked tissues, oftentimes while in the loving arms of my dear husband.  Although, there were plenty more tears shed alone, in the quiet silence of the night.

During those five years, I can’t say all remained unchanged.  I came up with various ideas, even attempted some.  Others were fleeting thoughts born out of my moments of despair, that then didn’t amount to anything…remember the pendulum?  Conscious Diaries was born during this tumultuous time.  I remember feeling an intense attachment to the name and the idea of writing about my ideas and thoughts on self-development.  Thankfully, I acted on this idea before the pendulum changed direction again.  Other than the firm handle I had on the name and the intention to write about my personal growth, the scope was undefined.  My attempts to define the unknowns worried me into a state of paralysis.  Conscious sat reserved and untouched for two years.

Fast forward to early 2016, the status quo had become too much to bear.  It was then that I finally decided to do SOMETHING!  After much contemplation, I chose to stay employed while simultaneously pursuing an opportunity that would afford me a different career down the road.  The two options that I considered were to either go back to school to finish my degree or to pursue life coaching.  I ultimately chose to pursue life coaching.  It would be more appropriate to say it chose me.  After just a few hours of research, I knew life coaching training was what I was supposed to do.  It was one of those visceral reactions — I just KNEW.

Overall, 2016 was pretty good to me, and yet it was one of the most difficult.  I found that which beckoned me, seemingly for years.  Yet the pursuit of it nearly wiped me out.  Not only was the time commitment a substantial one, along with work and mommyhood, the level of effort required was significant.  Little did I realize the transformation I would go through myself, while in pursuit of learning how to help others.  Much of that transformation was due to being taught how to be conscious.

Merriam Webster defines consciousness as: the quality or state of being aware especially of something within oneself.  If nothing else, 2016 certainly taught me the importance of being conscious.  Although my years of dabbling in self-development prepared me well for life coaching, consciousness shot me to the next level.  Gone were the days of posting inspirational quotes and affirmations and thinking of how lovely it would be to live that way all the time.  Consciousness made me assess how and why I’d want to live differently.  Consciousness facilitated change, and didn't let me just ponder the idea of it.

Consciousness must be practiced.  Therefore, my intention for 2017 is to capture my daily practice — attempts, successes and failures at living consciously right here on Conscious Diaries.  (After all, I’m human, the mother of a seven year old daughter, and far from perfect!  I’ve got lots of opportunity for practice!)  I believe living more consciously will enable me to craft the life I want to live, which includes having a positive impact on my family, friends, clients, and quite frankly, the world.  Ultimately, I’m very interested in documenting my journey for my daughter and understanding the impact my efforts have on her upbringing and maturation.

The next 365 days will be quite a personal journey.  I’ll write to exploit a creative outlet that’s persistently called to me over the years, one which I hope contributes significantly to my personal and spiritual growth.  That growth will come from exploring my beliefs, values, thoughts, emotions, actions, and behaviors and how all of that contributes to my engagement with myself, others, and the world at large.  I’ll also contemplate various topics like mindsets, perceptions, and the possibility that we can shape, even manifest, our experiences.  (So, yeah...manifestation may be a bit out there — or “woo woo” as I like to call it — for some.  I completely get that.  I’m right there with ya.  That’s why I’ll contemplate the woo woo rather than live and breathe it, at least for now.  We'll see where I am at the end of 2017. :))

I welcome anyone and everyone who wants to engage with me via this platform.  My hope is that you find something in my words that speaks to you and also contributes to your own personal and spiritual growth.  I ask for your patience (as I figure out the technology aspects of putting myself out here), your kindness (my grammar ain’t perfect), and your open mind (remember, I’ll limit the woo woo).

Conscious Diaries, what can I say?  Better late than never?  It only took me two years to meet you.  I look forward to embarking upon this journey.  I think it’ll be one terrific and interesting year.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!