BASED IN
NORTHERN VIRGINIA, CONSCIOUS DIARIES IS A BLOG BY TINA UNRUE.
HER POSTS EXPLORE WHAT IT MEANS TO BE CONSCIOUS AND ITS IMPACT IN HER WORLD.

Wellness Wednesday: Boundaries

Wellness can mean different things to different people.  I believe wellness encompasses things like health, energy levels, mental focus, our thoughts, and more.

For me, "more" includes setting boundaries or expectations.

It's necessary to define and communicate boundaries/expectations with your spouse, kids, friends, co-workers parents, and others.  When we don't communicate our limits to others - or worse, we aren't aware of our boundaries - things can go awry very quickly.  And, if left unchecked, things can spiral out of control.

Here's an example.

I have many mom friends that complain about being the primary, sometimes sole, caretaker for the home and kids, while the spouse does very little, or balks when asked.  This situation, especially when both parents work outside the home, can cause immense resentment and ultimately challenge the very basis of the marriage.

Here's another.

While coaching a client recently, I asked her to describe how she spends her time.  (She’s a pretty busy woman, mother and wife and I wanted to get a sense of her day.)  She described a project with which she’s involved, and conveyed that she really didn’t want to be doing it.  She had good reason to be involved, but not to the extent she finds herself now.  While she's providing great value to the project, she's not enjoying it.

Who can relate to one or both of these stories?

Women are taught from a young age to be kind, to be helpful.  Many of us were also told, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all."

This conditioning has made it a challenge for most women to speak up for themselves.  They're fearful to ask for what they want/need.

I'm here to tell you that setting boundaries/expectations is not mean and it's not unhelpful.  In fact, it's the opposite.  It IS kind.  It IS helpful.

Setting boundaries/expectations helps you identify your values.  It helps you wrap your head around what's important.  It helps you know how and when to respond when things don't stay within your boundaries or meet your expectations.

Be conscious of what you need and what you can give and be sure to communicate those boundaries/expectations to those in your life.  It'll greatly contribute to a happier life.

Be open to what comes.

Thoughtful Thursday: Compassion

Tackle-It Tuesday: Feeling Motivated