It's Dec 31, 2017 and I simply CANNOT get over the fact that the year is over. I'm almost in a state of denial.
I can't say this came as a surprise. I knew this day was coming. I prepared for it. I counted down the days. Yet, somehow, I'm not ready.
This is my final post. My 366th post to be exact. After today, Conscious Diaries will be no more. (Well, the site will remain active through at least some part of 2018, but will no longer be an active blog.)
My Introduction post kicked things off one year ago today. It provided the background and purpose for the blog. Here are some highlights from that post:
- A 365-day project, starting January 1, 2017, to chronicle my attempts at increasing my consciousness (otherwise known as awareness/mindfulness).
- I intended to capture my daily practice — attempts, successes and failures at living consciously. I was interested in documenting my journey for my daughter and understanding the impact my efforts have on her upbringing and maturation.
- I wanted to contemplate various topics like mindsets, perceptions, and the possibility that we can shape, even manifest, our experiences.
In comparison to the above goals/intensions, I believe the year's posts fared pretty well.
I intended to post daily for every day of 2017. Although I did post 366 blog posts altogether (includes 12/31/16 post), I did miss the December 1st post. I was so mad at myself, too. I got wrapped up preparing for a volunteer effort that was happening on Dec 2nd and literally lost track of time. I realized I missed the post somewhere around 1:00 am on Dec 2nd. At that point, I'd already missed the posting "deadline" for Dec 1st and figured I'd get some sleep and post it later that morning, which I did, followed by the original post scheduled for Dec 2nd.
In reflection, I definitely captured my daily consciousness practice, and not just the successful attempts. I wrote about some fantastic moments, as well as others that weren't so great. Successes include pondering reality, the value of kindness, and grappling with some health setbacks. I was real about my failures, which included when I realized I knew better, renewing my commitment to not yell at my kid, and how NOT to handle conflict. I also blogged about topics like mindsets and perceptions. Those were some of my favorites actually! I also wrote one or more posts on manifestation. I still find I'm grappling with manifestation/intention vs the act of surrendering to the universe.
I don't know that I'll ever know how this effort impacted my daughter. What I do know is that I engaged her in conscious conversations as often as I could. We had some meaningful discussions about God, how to handle challenging emotions like fear, and more. I feel like she's fairly mature for her age, but there's no telling if our discussions contributed to that maturity.
My inaugural post also contained the following statements: "Consciousness made me assess how and why I’d want to live differently. Consciousness facilitated change, and didn't let me just ponder the idea of it."
Those statements still resonate with me today. I started this project because I didn't want to lose the progress I had made with heightening my consciousness while pursing my life coaching certification. I can honestly say I didn't lose it. I can also attest to the fact that my consciousness is stronger now. With that I mean, in the moment, I can typically catch myself assessing my response, my tone, my thoughts and make changes, as desired. I'm still human. I'm not perfect at it. But, rising "above" the moment to assess my part in it is easier to do now after all this practice.
I'm not ready, yet I'm so ready.
While I enjoyed writing about how consciousness showed up in my daily life, there were definitely times I just didn't want to write, or found it profoundly challenging. Hell, I almost called it quits in April. It's liberating to know that I can still practice consciousness tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after, and NOT write about it...every. single. day. But, I will miss it. And, I'll miss putting it out there for others to consume or ponder.
Absent a deep-dive assessment of every post to identify what I may have learned from this experience, I settle on this: Consciousness is embedded in me now. I'm not ditching it anytime soon. In fact, it's proven itself way too valuable to give up. I LOVED the deep thoughts, the ability to assess whether I was derailing myself, and the ability to CHOOSE a different course of action...a path that would work better for me.
They say it takes 21 days to establish a habit, right? What is it called after 365 days? Root maybe? Because that's what it feels like. I feel like consciousness has deep roots now within the very fabric of my life.
To my husband and daughter: You mean the world to me. I thank you for your unwavering support this year. I hope that I've grown into a better wife and mother due to this experience. I hope that you feel your sacrifices were worth it. :)
To every reader, from those that read one post to those that read all (and everyone in between)—Thank you. I appreciate the time you took out of your day to read and support me and/or this project. I hope it got you thinking and/or touched you in some way. I hope you find it valuable to practice consciousness more and more. You never know, maybe one day you'll develop roots too.
Goodbye 2017! And remember to be open to what comes!