I got on the scale today and did not like the number that displayed. I am trending upward and I don’t like it. While I’ve only gained six pounds, I believe it’s been only over the past two months or so. I don’t want the trend to continue.
This topic is particularly challenging for me. It’s fraught with fear that I’ll say or do something “wrong” that adversely affects my daughter’s own body image. I find most women harbor self-critical thoughts about their bodies and appearance. The prevalence of women putting ourselves and other women down for how we look is heard by all the young girls around us. They pick up the unspoken “I’m not good/pretty enough” thoughts and apply it to themselves. How we behave in front of our girls can leave a lasting impression.
I'm not solely concerned about the number on the scale. The scale is just a tool to communicate one aspect of my health. I'm very attuned to the fact that I have indulged lately and have not been as diligent in eating things in moderation. I also recognize that I felt really good when I didn't eat much crap. So, my body is also communicating with me that it wants change.
I have worked hard over the past few years to improve my health. I changed my eating habits drastically a few years back and lost 35 lbs. I was stoked! My hard work paid off. And while this ain’t my first rodeo, it feels new and extremely intimidating under the watchful eye of my beautiful seven year old daughter.
I’m sure future blog posts will tackle the delicate balance of chasing improved health while also being cognizant of my daughter's interpretations of my efforts. Wish me luck.
Be open to what comes.