I planned for this day, the 100th day of 2017. I expected to write something exciting to capture my 100th post. Instead, I find myself in unusual circumstances and I'm flooded with various emotions and thoughts.
I feel like wallowing in a little self-pity. I believe I have every right.
Late last night, I had vertigo, which then made me loopy all day today. I've been fighting the feeling all day, in addition to a decently painful headache. I've also had to keep my neck and head straight and not lean my head back, all in an effort to keep another episode of vertigo at bay. Needless to say, it's not been a celebratory day. In fact, it's been down right disappointing.
I spent the better part of 15 years of my life fighting severe headaches, dizziness, and vertigo. I'll explain the history in another post. For now, it's important to know that my dilemma over those 15 years took its toll on me. Those 15 years were long and hard. About two years ago, I finally figured out what to do to keep the headaches, dizziness/loopiness, and vertigo away myself. I thought I had finally broken free.
It's been TWO WHOLE YEARS since I've experienced all of these symptoms!
I'm not happy. I'm angry. I'm sad. I'm confused. I'm frustrated.
I asked God what the point is to having me go through this again. He didn't answer. I told Him I was mad. He didn't answer.
I end every post with "Be open to what comes." But, I'm NOT open to this. I want it to end...and soon. Maybe I'll find a way to be open. It won't be today. Today, I'm protesting.