As a follow up to yesterday's I'm Protesting post, I am feeling much better. Thank God. I've been through this enough to know that things can go downhill again in two hot seconds. For now, I'm happy. I'm smiling. I'm bobbing my head to my favorite tunes, without a fear of falling over or passing out. I feel normal and I'm beyond grateful.
I was very aware/conscious about how I felt yesterday and what I thought about all that transpired. I came upon the realization that I need to give further consideration to what it means to "be open to what comes."
Intellectually, I know life isn't supposed to be easy. Intellectually, I expect challenges. When faced with the recurring challenge that I spent a significant time fighting, I almost felt a sense of defeat. I felt the fear that maybe my life was meant to suck out loud, more than be filled with joy.
I needed time to process that fear.
We can go through a range of emotions when processing something we don't like. I'm happy to say I've moved past protest. I'm now in some new phase. Words like inquiring and contemplation are sitting well with what I'm going through right now. I'm asking myself a lot of questions and contemplating the answers. Questions like, How open am I REALLY to what comes, even if it's "bad or undesirable?" What's my default response? Do I like my default response? If not, how would I prefer to respond?
I'm still assessing my answers and feelings, but it's progress. I'm moving forward. (It's much easier to move forward when my world isn't spinning...literally.)