BASED IN
NORTHERN VIRGINIA, CONSCIOUS DIARIES IS A BLOG BY TINA UNRUE.
HER POSTS EXPLORE WHAT IT MEANS TO BE CONSCIOUS AND ITS IMPACT IN HER WORLD.

Dancing Energy

As a follow on from the past couple of days, I felt a very clear shift in my energy today.  Today, I felt less numb and more like I wanted to act.  Have you ever been in such a low emotional state that you felt like you couldn't think, let alone actually take action on something?  If so, then you get where I've been the past couple of days.

It's normal for us to feel a range of emotions when we get bad news.  Some may immediately go into anger and outrage.  I went deeper.  I curled up in despair's lap and made camp for a couple of days.  I couldn't even muster anger until today.

Today, I was dancing with some new energy.  I was still holding the hand of despair at times, but felt pulled toward engagement and action, emotionally and physically.  That felt good.  It made me want to DO something, more than just wallow.

What also felt good was to remember to rely on my faith.  Although I questioned God more than once over the past few days, I do believe that there is purpose in what happens.  This is not to say that everything that happens is good.  It's not.  Sometimes things that happen just suck.  Sometimes things that happen are downright horrific.  Lots of things, like what happened to my like-blood family, do not have a "good" explanation, at least in the context of that one situation.  I believe, though, that many different experiences are intertwined, and that the culmination of those events paint a much larger picture.  Sometimes this picture is one we can't see or fathom, at least not in the time frame that we'd prefer.

Sometimes when we're struck with bad/stressful news, we can get wrapped up in the story.  We can be sad or angry and feel like a victim, like there's no recourse.  In some of those instances, we give our power away.  We feel and then act like we can't do anything to change the circumstance.  

Over the past year, I've improved on this default response greatly.  I've been conscious through this entire ordeal.  I've acknowledged my thoughts and feelings and chose to be very aware of how I processed information.  Although I definitely went into the dumps for a bit, the visit was short.  I gave myself time to honor my feelings, which I'm convinced helped me move along from despair to action.  It doesn't mean I won't feel numb again.  Processing difficult news is just that...a process.  That process is not linear.  It is a dance and we must be gentle with ourselves for as long as the music plays.  We must honor what we're feeling, why we're feeling it, and acknowledge how it's serving us.  If it isn't serving us, then we need to move forward to a state that does serve us in a positive way.

For this situation, my sadness served a purpose.  It was a necessary space for me to go to process my feelings.  I'm fairly confident that most of the sadness has now transcended into action, of varying kinds.  Those actions will definitely serve both me and my like-blood family well to help us all move forward.

I hope you all think of the ways in which you process difficult information and choose to make changes if/when you realize your responses are not serving you.

Be open to what comes.

Looking Forward to the Weekend

Still Sad