BASED IN
NORTHERN VIRGINIA, CONSCIOUS DIARIES IS A BLOG BY TINA UNRUE.
HER POSTS EXPLORE WHAT IT MEANS TO BE CONSCIOUS AND ITS IMPACT IN HER WORLD.

Daughter: We're Growing (pt 2)

(This is the second and final post in this series.  Click here to read the first post.)

Dear Daughter,

Although you we were "back to normal" yesterday (lots of kisses, lots of hugs, and lots of love), I continued to think about the words from the day before.

From your perspective, I can see how you feel less-than-loved at times.  It makes sense when I'm angry with you.  It makes sense when I'm ignoring you.  It makes sense when I'm giving you the evil eye.  In those moments, it doesn't matter that I'm angry because I've repeated myself so much that I'm exhausted and don't want to say it again.  It doesn't matter that I'm ignoring you because I don't want to reward whining with attention.  It doesn't matter that I'm giving you the evil eye because you chose to throw a tantrum.

I think I'm slowly realizing that there's no point in explaining how things came to be—the why of it all, especially not in the moment.  Why?  Because it's just a story, each of us having our own version of the events that just went down and our feelings about them.

The value in this for me is to listen to you...to truly listen.  That means listening without judgement and not defending myself.  I did listen and can see how you feel the way you do.  Period.

It's a challenge for me not to share my perspective.  I want so badly for you to see it from my vantage point, but I don't feel it's time.  I think you're still too young to appreciate my view of the events—my story.  Maybe I will one day.  Or maybe when you become a mom, you'll find yourself in the same situation and come to realize you were, in fact, loved through it all.

Be open to what comes.

Mindset of Lack and Fear

Daughter: We're Growing