BASED IN
NORTHERN VIRGINIA, CONSCIOUS DIARIES IS A BLOG BY TINA UNRUE.
HER POSTS EXPLORE WHAT IT MEANS TO BE CONSCIOUS AND ITS IMPACT IN HER WORLD.

The Magic Trick to End a Meltdown

My brother and I often discuss parenting challenges and exchange war stories — what worked, what didn't.  He recently turned me on to a technique called a "do-over."  It works like this...

When your child is behaving in a manner that is not ideal, or s/he is not following a rule, you INVITE them to a do-over.  The key here is to INVITE them to try again.  No yelling.  No tears.  No judgement.  Just an invitation to do it over.

My eight-year-old daughter flipped out the other day after playing a card game.  I was irritated at the behavior because I felt she knew better, but before I could even respond, my husband chimed in and asked if she'd like a do-over.

To my surprise, she answered yes and in that moment, she literally approached it as if the scenario had just happened and she handled herself in a much better way!

AWESOMENESS!

I found it awesome for a couple of reasons.  One, I was so impressed that my hubs implemented the technique before I had even THOUGHT of it!  Awesome!  And two, my kid jumped on board.  No further meltdown, no arguing.  Just complete cooperation.  Awesome!

More awesomeness followed.  A day or two later, my husband was acting goofy with my daughter.  This skill of his can be a double-edged sword.  My kid loves it most of the time.  But when she's tired, watch out — it's cause for irritation.  When he realized he pushed her buttons, he ASKED HER if HE could have a do-over.  She said yes.  And, again, crisis averted.

I love this man.  And now I love this technique!

We've tried do-overs for just the past week and it's MAGIC!   You don't even need a wand!  This technique is so subtle.  You're communicating, "Uh, come again?!", but in a totally non-threatening way!  Provided you can remember to OFFER the invitation with love, rather than lose your shit, it just WORKS!

This has been a great tool for us in such a short period of time.  I just couldn't keep it to myself!  It takes a village after all!  And while it's a strategy to use with our kids, please remember that we ALL need a do-over sometimes.

Be open to what comes.

Saturday Summary

Looking Forward to a Lot Less